Calendar of Madness
by The Immortal Duet
Summary: Exactly what it says on the label. Madness, insanity, randomness, and a LOT of fun. And song lyrics, far too many of them. T because Mademise swears too much.
1. Chapter 1

Skulduggery frowned, glaring at the CD player whilst simultaneously changing the gears.

"Who is this?"

_I want to hold you to the sun  
I want to be your faithful one  
I want to show you all the beauty you don't even know you hold..._

Valkyrie smiled. "Emilie Autumn."

"And she is, pray...?"

"My favourite singer, currently."

"She's not really..."

She stopped him speaking. "Don't say something you'll regret. I'll sing the chorus, and it WILL get stuck in your head."

"But why would she sing like she's in agony?"

Valkyrie grinned evilly. Swivelling her head to look at her mentor, she sang. Or, rather, shrieked along.

"LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!"

Skulduggery cursed. "You meant it, then?"

"I did warn you."

**A/N: Rather pointless, but I claim credit for writing at midnight with a headache and writer's block... **

**~Lythia Harpen, October 1

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**

"Shall we now sing a song of praise?"

The sixteen-year-old China Sorrows raised an eyebrow. "We are here," she said slowly and majestically, "Gathered in this Ancient Hall, to worship a bunch of Dark Gods… And you want to _sing a song of praise_? What are you, six?"

The leader of their group sighed. Another possible convert, _gone_.

**A/N: Yep. Random as hell.  
**

**~Mademise Morte, October 1

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**

**A/N: So, we both write a thinglet every day, and they will probably be rather random and feature Emilie Autumn a fair bit.**

**Yep.**

**~The Immortal Duet  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Valkyrie screamed and whooped. "Ha ha haaa!

Skulduggery sat on Erksine Ravel's deck, drinking a cold beer. "Be careful. I don't need you to die by quad bike."

Ravel's smile was amused. They were around at one of his friend's, who lived on a farm. Valkyrie had taken a shine to the four wheel vehicle.

"This is awesome!" she yelled, waving at Skulduggery as she flew past at an insane speed.

Ravel looked over. "I think I know what she'll want for her next birthday."  
Skulduggery laughed. "Haggard may be small, but it's not that small."

**A/N: I was, in fact, just on a quadbike. I was driving around a sheep farm at incredibly stupid speeds, screaming my head off. It was very amusing.**

**~Lythia Harpen, October 2

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**

_I'd like to help you doctor, yes I really really would, but this din in my head, it's too much and it's no good…_

Skulduggery brightened up. "You're finally listening to some decent music!"

"Suzanne Vega is 'decent music'? You realize she's from, like the eighties."

"What difference does that make?"

"You like _old_ old stuff like Frank Sinatra."

"Not necessarily…"

"You're going to sulk now, aren't you?"

"Absolutely."

**A/N: I sulk when people insult my music… Or worse, say they've never heard of it!**

**So, if you've never heard of Suzanne Vega, please, don't tell it to **_**me**_**!  
**

**XD**

**~Mademise Morte, October 2**

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**A/N: We do so love reviews.**

**~The Immortal Duet**


	3. Chapter 3

Tanith screamed, wiping out at the same time as Valkyrie. Her board tumbled behind her, rolling up onto the golden sand as she dragged herself back up. Ghastly navigated the crest of the wave perfectly, torquing his body to stay in control. Muscles rippled in his torso as he kept going. When the sea lost momentum, he jumped off his board and into waist deep turquoise water.

"Brilliant, girls!" he beamed. He ignored the grumpiness of Tanith, who was scowling as she ripped off her ankle strap, and Valkyrie, who was stomping off to an awaiting, tanning Fletcher.

Skulduggery looked up, lifting his sunglasses with one finger. "Not even Hawaii could get them to surf competently, hmm?"

"It appears not," Ghastly mused, putting a towel over Tanith's shoulders and kissing her. "But thank you for taking us here to attempt the lesson, Fletcher."

"No worries."

**A/N: Stones, stones, stones, stones, summer... Oh yeah, and Earl Grey tea.**

**I like reviews :)**

**~Lythia Harpen, October 3

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**

Valkyrie scowled at the very tangled piece of knitting.

_**Time goes by**_**…**

Skulduggery opened the package and smiled. "Thank you, Valkyrie," he said politely. "I was wanting a sock."

"… It's actually a scarf…"

He looked at it closely. "Oh, of course. It's a scarf."

**A/N: The idea has been around a while…**

**For Freedom (though this would be more for Roman Catholics, it might work for most parts of Christianity): "We are here to worship a God who encourages human sacrifice, who encourages us to eat human flesh and drink human blood on a regular basis, and made a virgin give birth, and you want us to **_**sing songs of praise**_**?"**

**#sigh# I need to work up the guts to say that to some preacher…**

**~Mademise Morte, October 3**

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**A/N: You have probably not seen how happy we get with reviews.**

**~The Immortal Duet  
**


	4. Chapter 4

Valkyrie jumped back, feeling the adrenaline charge through her. She screamed a war cry, darting forward. The creature she was facing had the head and chest of a woman, and the lower body, wings, and talons of an eagle. A harpy.

Valkyrie lashed out at it, growling her challenge.

"Val, you're taking this virtual reality game a bit too seriously," Tanith laughed, casually cutting the head off the manticore in front of her. She flicked her wrist, which held a remote of the gaming variety, and put her virtual sword back into her virtual scabbard. "Victory is mine, saith the lord!"

Valkyrie scowled, but brightened as she decapitated the harpy

**A/N: Bah. My neck is sore. Oh well, I have tea. And muffins. So I'm happy!  
~Lythia Harpen, October 4

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**

_**Shit! Absolutely no time!**_

_**Here's something to tide you over 'til tomorrow:**_

_**Fletcher/Ghastly... **_

_**~Mademise**_


	5. Chapter 5

Valkyrie sat on a rock with her improvised nachos. Tanith was away, having a solar shower. Across from her, Ghastly, still tapping away at a rifle that lay across his knees. He was waiting for a stag to roar again. It wasn't being very co-operative.

There was a slight rustle. Valkyrie paused over a corn chip and looked up.

Skulduggery moved through the clearing. He was dressed in full camouflage gear of a hunter. Ghastly's ensemble was not dissimilar.

"We've got the windicator out," he said animatedly. "And it just went for the Deer Dynamite."  
Immediately Ghastly was up, rifle bolted. Then the typical men were gone, off to find their fifteen-pointer.  
**  
A/N: Apologies if anybody's veg. I do love hunting.  
**

**~Lythia Harpen, October 5

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**

Ghastly narrowed his eyes darkly, and Fletcher shuddered violently in pure terror.

"Fletcher…"

"Yes?" The word came out as a mere squeak.

"Please tell me the rumours aren't true, and you aren't going out with…"

"Caelan? No, no, no! That was a passing thing! I'll always be true to you, I swear!"

"Caelan? Really? I was going to say Valkyrie…"

"I'm not going out with her either!"

**A/N: Wish I could have done it with a delicate sort of lead up… I must write another!**

**~Mademise Morte, October 5

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**

"I love Halloween, I really do."

"Why?"

"You get candy."

"There's something dreadfully ominous about this…."

"Really?"

"Don't give me that faux-innocent face, Valkyrie."

"Faux?"

"Fake."

_**Halloween…**_

"What will you do with all that candy, Val?"

"Coat it with chocolate and hand it out."

"I see…"

**A/N: Pointless, yet I enjoyed writing it.  
**

**~Mademise Morte, October 5

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**

**A/N: Reviews, please?**

**~The Immortal Duet**


	6. Chapter 6

Tanith sat alone. It wasn't easy. Her blood ran faster when she was around a man. Ghastly especially.

Feeling depressed, isolated in her apartment, she turned on her stereo.

_Rose, rose, rose red...  
Will I ever see thee wed?  
I will marry by thy will, sire...  
At thy will_

She went to the kitchen and made some tea, and put some crumpets into the toaster.

_A thousand years gone by  
Too late to wonder why  
I'm here, alone  
Within my darkest hour  
She rose that fell a flower  
I should have known..._

A few minutes later, Tanith smiled over her cup of tea. Ghastly was at the door, roses in hand...  
**  
A/N: I'll leave you to wonder whether she's hallucinating or whether Ghastly actually came. I decided to make this a songfic, because, quite obviously, this song suits Tanith. And because I just got more Emilie Autumn. I ****love**** I Know Where You Sleep...  
**

**Lythia Harpen, October 6

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**

"Fletcher… Broke up with me."

Tanith tilted her head sympathetically. "You know what they say. Revenge is sweet."

"Whatever do you mean?"

_**Later**_**…**

Fletcher opened the letter slowly. Written in large, blood-red letters…

_ARE YOU SUFFERING? ? ?_

**A/N: Yep. I was going to use the EA quote 'Revenge is the best revenge' originally, but this fits better.**

**~Mademise Morte, October 6

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**

**A/N: Review, please.**

**~The Immortal Duet  
**


	7. Chapter 7

"Val, that wasn't necessary..."

"It so was. You're laughing your head off. Shush."

"But it's the Ben-"

"It's also his birthday. This is my revenge for him not giving me my Christmas present."

"Don't you think he might get a little cross...?"

Valkyrie and Tanith instantly stopped talking as the security light went on. Skulduggery walked out, half-asleep.

"RUN!" Valkyrie hissed. She grabbed Tanith's hand and sprinted for getaway motorbike.

As they clambered on, they heard the curses and shouts begin as Skulduggery noticed the abundance of whipped cream, toilet paper, and soap suds decorating his Bentley.  
**  
A/N: ah, this brought up a fond memory of TPing somebody's car... Classic...  
**

**~Lythia Harpen, October 7

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**

"Valkyrie, you need to stop reading at some point."

"Like when?"

"Like now. The Bentley's been stopped ten minutes already."

"Let me finish my chapter."

"… I happen to know for a fact that that particular author does not split his books into chapters."

"Damn you and your knowledge of books."

"Indeed."

**A/N: I have Mortal Coil #idiotic grin#**

**~Mademise Morte, October 7

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A/N: Review, please :D  
**

**~The Immortal Duet  
**


	8. Chapter 8

China sat in the middle of the library, drinking green tea. It woke her up, as such. It was indeed very early. She had somebody to meet.

The Somebody knocked on the door of the library before entering. He had dreadlocks and a tattoo of a falcon on his shoulder. His singlet had on it the words, "Smashing Pumpkins: Zeitgeist.""

China smiled. "Finbar, dearest...I love your new look!"

"Woah...thanks, pretty lady." He peered over at China, and, more visibly, at her teacup. "Is that green tea?"

"It is indeed."

"You're kidding."

"No."

"But I LOVE green tea, man!" Finbar started jumping up and down on the spot, mumbling to himself."

China groaned inwardly. "Oh dear..."  
**  
A/N: You should have seen MY face when I found out we had green tea in the house!  
**

**~Lythia Harpen, October 8

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**

Tanith, who had successfully captured Valkyrie's iPod, was rifling through it happily.

"You've got Enchant?"

"Yeah…"

"_Excellent_."

Tanith prodded around a bit more, finally deciding on a song.

_I'll take my hope where I can find it… Seems I find it here in you…_

Skulduggery walked in, paused, listened for a moment, and practically bolted off.

"I don't think he liked it much, somehow."

"Agreed."

**A/N: Pointlessness is my forte recently, it seems.**

**#sigh#**

**~Mademise Morte, October 8

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**

**A/N: So, we'll be away for a bit less than a week the tenth onwards. We'll catch up when we're back, mkay?**

**Review, please.**

**~The Immortal Duet  
**


	9. Chapter 9

Valkyrie wobbled, flailing her arms in the air, before crying out and falling over. Tanith roared with laughter, but Ghastly skated up to help her off the ice. Skulduggery swished past again, showing off on his flashy black skates. He was unnervingly good at ice skating. A stark contrast to Valkyrie, who had so far fallen over seven times.

"How did you get so good at ice skating?" Valkyrie complained. "It's quite uncanny."

"You'll soon get the hang of it." Ghastly and Tanith smiled at the same time before skating off with easy, slow glides.

"I'll soon break my tailbone," Valkyrie muttered, attempting again.  
**  
A/N: My feet are blistered and my ankles are sore, but I still had a brilliant time ice skating with Sydney and Oceane. I am really really crap at ice skating.  
**

**~Lythia Harpen, October 9

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**

The air ran thick with frenzied beats from the Japanese drummers. Valkyrie shuddered.

"They're scary."

"You're one to talk."

**A/N: Back from my first public performance and tired as hell XD  
**

**I'll miss FF while I'm gone…**

**~Mademise Morte, October 9

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**

**A/N: Review, please!**

**See you again in a bit less than a week ^_~  
**

**~The Immortal Duet  
**


	10. Chapter 10

Valkyrie found Tanith reading a book and sobbing her eyes out.

"Whatever is the matter?" Valkyrie asked, confused.

Tanith said nothing, but held up the book. 'Desert Flower' by Waris Dirie.

"What's it about?" Valkyrie sat down beside her.

"I'll read it to you..." Tanith said sadly.

Four hours later, Fletcher teleported into the room to see both girls crying a lot.

"What's up?"

"You're not a girl...you wouldn't understand..."  
**  
A/N: I cried. Absolutely CRIED. Desert Flower was so sad. 10/10/10 today!  
**

**~Lythia Harpen, October 10

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**

_Find me a man who would die for me_

_Find me a time that is past_

_Find me an ocean without a sea_

_And I will find love at last…_

"Steph? Ignoring that fact that dad would totally flip out on you if he heard you singing those lyrics, who exactly are you singing rounds with?"

Valkyrie glanced guiltily at her reflection, then shrugged. "Myself, dearest sister."

"OK…"

**A/N: Song's Find Me A Man by Emilie Autumn.**

**~Mademise Morte

* * *

A/N: So, we are back, but due to Lythia's school schedule, there might still be a slight delay. We have five days to catch up upon as it is!  
**

**~The Immortal Duet  
**


	11. Chapter 11

Valkyrie looked gravely at her little sister, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, apparently talking with an imaginary person. At least, Valkyrie couldn't see the person.

Valkyrie walked closer and smiled slightly. "Tell me about your friend, Jane."

The six-year old grinned. "She's a bit taller than you. She's got pale, pale blue eyes. Her hair is black. Very, very black. Her skin is white. Her skin is covered in tattoos, and she can kill people with them."

Valkyrie shuddered. "Does the name China Sorrows mean anything to her?"

"It's her name, dolt."

"And, pray tell, why can't I see her?"

China Sorrows faded into view. "You, my dear Valkyrie, have just disrupted a deep conversation on metaphysics."

"What?"

Jane giggled as China rolled her eyes. "You really have no idea about your sister, do you?"

**A/N: I love how Jane talks. I love her voice. I want to write more about her.**

**~Mademise Morte, October 17

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**

**Mademise's note on behalf of the ID:**

**At this point, you shouldn't be surprised when I say this.**

**_The Calendar of Madness will be placed on semi-hiatus until further notice._**

**We'll still update, and it will be finished eventually, but probably not for a while.**

**Lythia's access to a computer is a bit iffy at the moment, and me...**

**I have worked with calendars successfully before. That was when I didn't have a Grade 3 drumming exam looming over my head, the Maths and Mandarin homework from Hell, a new violin to break in, an extended trip to London to pack for, and an expectation to keep up my standards in French, Japanese, Mandarin, Mathematics, English, Literature, Geography and miscellaneous musical instruments. Oh, and a desk to clear.**

**#unhappy growl#**

**~Mademise Morte  
**


	12. Chapter 12

_I don't do crack, I've never seen cocaine…_

Valkyrie gives Tanith an odd look.

_Unfortunately, I rarely pop an aspirin when in pain…_

Valkyrie rolls her eyes.

_Cause I wanna be of alcohol or any drug at all completely free…_

Valkyrie bursts into derisive laughter.

_But I self-medicate with tea._

"You English really like your tea, don't you?"

"Emilie Autumn's American, but yeah, we do."

* * *

**A/N: The first verse of Emilie Autumn's latest song, _Medicate With Tea_.**

**Another highlight from that is:**

**_I don't know what I wouldn't pay to overdose on Earl Grey_...**

**Um. I will be MIA for basically all of November. Sorry?**

**~Mademise Morte  
**


	13. Chapter 13

_Girls that glitter love the dark… We lace it through our bitter, black little hearts… And then we feign surprise when we see… That those we've loved to love have loved to leave…_

"You don't actually listen to normal music, do you, Valkyrie?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because the lyrics are all rather disturbing, if they're not shrieking, they're whispering, and none of the artists appear to know what guitars are."

"But Suza-"

"Suzanne Vega is one artist. Singular. Of the other sort, you have Emilie Autumn, Hannah Fury and quite a few others whose names I have forgotten."

"At least I don't listen to pop music."

"What's wrong with pop?"

Valkyrie leant forward and turned the radio on, giving Skulduggery a Look. By some sorry coincidence, _Baby_ by Justin Bieber was playing.

"That's a male singing."

"Oh dear God…"

**A/N: Yep. I can actually write proper shit, but I choose not to. Because insulting Bieber and promoting Hannah Fury (who is truly amazing despite the damn' drum machine) is much more fun.**

**~Mademise Morte

* * *

**

Valkyrie sighed and picked the screaming toddler up. She could barely hear her music through the noise.

_'Sing me to sleep,  
Sing me to sleep,  
I'm tired and I want to go to bed,  
Sing me to sleep,  
Sing me to sleep...''_

Without thinking, she began singing along. "And then leave me alone,  
don't feel bad for me,  
I want you to know,  
That deep in the cell of my heart  
I really want to go..."

To her surprise, Gracie immediately settled, staring at her with eyes of the palest blue.

Victory, thought Valkyrie.

**A/N: Don't ask who Gracie is. I have no idea. Surely Valkyrie would babysit sometimes?

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**

**Immortal Duet's collective note, even though Mademise is the one writing it:**

**Well. We're back.**

**Dear God it's been forever -.-**

**~The Immortal Duet  
**


	14. Chapter 14

Valkyrie lay sleeping. The six-odd empty cans of Vodka Cruiser lined up on her bedside table were the reason for the smiles in her sleep. Her parents had been out and she'd had Tanith over. Her friend had been picked up by Ghastly and dropped home, leaving Valkyrie alone to crash. No, she wasn't an alcoholic. And she was only sixteen...? Did it matter? No, not really.

All of a sudden, there was a great roar. Valkyrie jumped a mile in the air, before scowling at the young man standing in her room.

Fletcher grinned, letting the chainsaw cut out. "Good morning, sunshine!"

* * *

"I'm tired."

"I'm sure."

"I want to go back to sleep."

"I thought as much."

"Let me go back to sleep."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it's past noon, and there are things that need to be done."

"Such as?"

"Such as the Sanctuary meeting, re-capturing Scapegrace, building a case against the Necromancers and looking for a new Bentley."

"Don't you already have back-up cars?"

"Oh! A very good point. I've got a red Chery QQ I wanted to try…"

"On second thoughts, let's go look for another Bentley."

* * *

**A/N: Well, after another false start, we're _probably_ going to be a bit more regular about updating this. Hopefully.**

**~The Immortal Duet  
**


End file.
